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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24731023">to all the boys you leave behind (but never forget)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cancer/pseuds/Cancer'>Cancer</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Constantine: City of Demons (Cartoon), Constantine: The Hellblazer (Comics), DC Extended Universe, Hellblazer &amp; Related Fandoms</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bisexual John Constantine, Bottom John Constantine, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Constantine dating men, Constantine deserves nices things, Constantine's had boyfriends and we need to talk about it, He's an asshole but not that asshole, John Constantine is a good boyfriend, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 02:42:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,335</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24731023</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cancer/pseuds/Cancer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>John is barely eighteen the first time he lets a man fuck him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>John Constantine/Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV), John Constantine/Original Male Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>97</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>to all the boys you leave behind (but never forget)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>First of, I'm not in this fandom so I'm sure I got a bunch of things wrong and I'm deeply sorry. I watched to show, I've seen the movie, I read some of the comics, I watched the animated movies (almost all of them). I didn't want to write about King Shark so he's not in here. I don't have anything against it, I just thought, I wanna know more about John DATING King Shark, not just the fact that they fucked and that's hysterical for the media (I'm in the Venom fandom, nothing is hysterical for me anymore). Then I saw a few images from the comics where John is talking about things he learned from previous boyfriends. He is bisexual and I wanna know more about him dating men and being happy about it, even if for a bit. Anyway, sorry again for whatever I got wrong, I just wanted to write this. Also, the Lucifer bit, I've only seen the show, I got that mostly out of my ass tbh, and that post someone made of "Joker: have you ever danced with the devil under the moonlight?; Constantine: No, but I gave him a blowjob in the back of a cab once"<br/>Sorry about the English too, if I messed up anything british, lemme know please. English is not even my first language, nevermind british english. </p>
<p>The ending is horrible and this is entirely self-indulgent, pay it no mind, but if you feel like leaving kudos or comments, I always appreciate them.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>John is barely eighteen the first time he lets a man fuck him. He’s barely eighteen, half drunk, high on adrenaline, and horny as fuck. The guy is twenty-something probably, pretty eyes, thick black hair that he wears just long enough to make him look handsome and composed while still looking rebel. John knows by then that he’s probably been looking at men in a way that his friends don’t do, but until the guy puts his hands on John’s neck, close to his pulse point and John wonders whether this stranger can feel it, John hadn’t thought he would like to touch. He wants to touch, he thinks then. “Oh,” he thinks, “oh I want his hands on me.” I want his hands on my thighs like I did that girl last week. And so when the guy kisses him, John doesn’t resist; and when the guy pushes him into the pub’s crappy restroom and gets his hand on John’s cock, John holds onto his neck and pushes against his hand, grabs him by the ass, rubs himself against him and then rubs him one over his jeans.</p>
<p>There are enough reasons already for his father to hate him, he thinks, what is one more.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>John is a bastard; he will never deny that. He also knows that his relationships won’t last, because he has no intention of making them last, particularly when he somehow ends up dating someone who’s got no idea of the ugly side of the not normal part of the universe.</p>
<p>Once in a while he finds the time to date, that’s wonder enough. He also has the bad habit of not saying no when he knows he should.</p>
<p>He is a bastard but contrary to popular belief, he’s not the kind of bastard that doesn’t listen. His relationships don’t end because he wasn’t attentive, they usually end because he’s just a bastard. They last as long as they do because he is an attentive and sensitive bastard (if a cruel one sometimes). He’s too honest for his own good. He also has no intention to commit on the long term, and people who can’t grasp that concept usually end up getting hurt, despite him telling them from the beginning that he has no plans for the future other than a probably gruesome death and an eternity in hell.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Because he is an attentive bastard though, he listens when his partners are talking, and he’s come to pick up a thing or two.</p>
<p>There was that guy he dated one time, deaf, smile like sunshine, brown skin the color of cinnamon and the fluffiest hair John’s ever had the pleasure to hold onto when getting a blowjob. Incredibly loud in bed. Liked bad comedians and old horror movies but hated suspense. Had a tendency of eating apples for breakfast and yogurt with chocolate chip cookies for brunch when he stayed home, and he liked his tea with a lot of sugar. They talked. John picked up the language like he picks up spells; that’s to say fast and virtually forever, but he didn’t use it much after they broke up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So contrary to popular belief, John Constantine does know how to listen. Sometimes he even gives straight answers instead of going around the bushes and accidentally getting someone killed for the greater good.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was that other guy too, the one who liked to hack into computers and shit of the sorts. They met at a university where John was doing a friend a favor and vanishing something, he can’t remember what it was anymore, but he does remember sucking the guy’s dick in an empty classroom. He’s never had a thing for school-themed sex, and though he wouldn’t say he wouldn’t do it again, he’s been trying to stay away from schools ever since.</p>
<p>Handsome guy, incredible arms, liked to play the drums, liked to talk a lot but never knew how to listen. Deep in the closet too, which was a shame because he was probably going to end up married to some girl he would make miserable for however long she could stand him.</p>
<p>He did know his way around computers though, and John got a chance to pick up a thing or two in those long, one-sided conversations they used to have.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He has no excuse for the thing that happened with Lucifer, to be honest. He has no real regrets either, it’s not like they were going to walk into the sunset together and live happily ever after. In fact, it was likely they would never see each other again. The fact that they owe each other favors and then continue to encounter indefinitely has nothing to do with anything. They both grant people favors; of course, in John’s case is more accidental and less magically binding or whatever the fuck it is that Lucifer does, but they get him people to owe him all the same.</p>
<p>He can’t lie and say he didn’t know it was Lucifer either. He knew. He also knew Lucifer is handsome and that he fucks like a machine; if machines were considerate, that is.</p>
<p>The first time, John gave him a blowjob in the back of a cab. John enjoys giving head as much as the next guy, but he’s honest enough to admit that not often you encounter a guy with a dick you can say it’s pretty. Lucifer has a beautiful cock, no surprises there. There was no revelation and it wasn’t necessarily an otherworldly experience, but Lucifer was warm, and his voice was smooth like a nice bath after a long day, and he put his hand on the back of John’s neck in a way that made him close his eyes and let his jaw go slack. It was damn good blowjob is all he’s saying. After, Lucifer took him to his place and they fucked until the morning; and after that it was back to work.</p>
<p>It may be true, that it is Lucifer the one who will personally drag him down to hell when time comes, or it may not be true, so many entities want to claim his soul, but sometimes he thinks it would be nice if it were Lucifer the one who gets to do it. Ironic too, somehow.</p>
<p>They fuck whenever they get to see each other, which is not often, but probably more than one might expect. It’s always good. They never act like it’s a big deal, there are no feelings involved, really, it’s just an interesting fuck between people who aren’t supposed to be fucking at times when they aren’t supposed to be fucking. It’s good. John usually doesn’t care what Lucifer is doing, and it’s more often than not none of his concern.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There is no happy ending for John Constantine, he knows, like there was no happy beginning either. Sometimes he wonders what the fuck is up with God, though he tries not to think about God too much. Was he born just to go to hell, he wants to ask, but he knows no one will answer him. Was he born just to suffer? Was there ever a reason other than for him to kill off creatures of the dark? He knows at this point that there was really no option for him, he was going to end up in deep shit with dark magic no matter what he did, he just wonders what he could have done different, if anything at all; if there ever was a real chance for him not to go to hell or if his ending was marked from the beginning and no matter what he did he was going to be the same bastard that ends up in hell.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He has been in hell, but it has never been his time, so he wonders how much different it will be once he gets to stay there for good. Not often, though; he doesn’t think about it often.</p>
<p> </p>
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